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Quitting Patreon and Art

by Pherion

Yup. You heard it. I just made a post on Patreon saying this, but honestly I'm fucking sick of everything.

I've been doing 3D for years and there has been no improvement at all, so as far I'm aware I'm not cutout for this. Only thing I liked about it or was somewhat decent were animations, but I could never do them because I was always stuck doing garbage I hated doing, characters, scenes, lighting, rendering, fucking everything!

And if that wasn't enough I'm currently unemployed, I lost family members and friends in the past two years and Patreon has failed and I feel I'm just stuck and going nowhere. Only place I feel happy is when I go to the gymn and start lifting, but thanks to the Virus, the gymns have been close so even that is screwing me over.

Not everyone is cutout to be a fucking artist, no matter what people say. I started this years ago and since then nothing has been achieved, I suck and that's the end of it.

If anyone here cared about any of the crap I made, sorry but you probably won't see anymore shit from me anymore, maybe I'll post some stuff I was doing and give it for free, if anyone wants my garbage that is.

Viewed:	105 times
Added:	3 years, 11 months ago 10 Jun 2020 00:36 CEST

10 Comments on this Journal

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MystBunny

3 years, 11 months ago

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well um.. o.o I want some of that garbage. So, to say that it frustrates you is understandable, but to say that you suck at it is.. a bit false.

Pherion

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ MystBunny

Hard to believe in that when I compare myself to others that started when I did or even later, and are now amazing and even working in studios. Sorry but that's not what I see.

MystBunny

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ Pherion

Heh comparing your work to those who have surpassed you doesn't make your work terrible. Not saying wanting to catch up to them is necessarily a bad thing, but that's not why we watch you. Well.. On the other hand, I suppose it isn't really a good thing if it's depressing you.

Pherion

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ MystBunny

May I ask why you watch me? I really don't know. No one ever gives me criticisms or complements, since most of my stuff never gets a comment. And when it does it's just praise which is kinda useless.

Sometimes it feels like all my watchers and patrons are a bunch of mutes. I won't bite if you give constructive criticism.

MystBunny

3 years, 11 months ago

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Edited 3 years, 11 months ago by Owner

@ Pherion

Well in my case, it's often very hard to put my thoughts into words. Like I may know what I like or don't like about an image, but the difficulty is in describing it. I'm certain I'm not the only one with that problem. And of course, some artists DO bite, and they bite hard and publicly. I mean I don't know very many of them that do that, but it's enough that i'm sure that it may have spooked a lot of people, and admittedly, while I try not to let that alone stop me, it does give me pause.

So what I like most about your renders and animations is the floof

Just the fur looks really good and I would really really like to see something with this particular camera angle, but with that level of floof

As for what I don't like, I mean that mainly comes down to personal taste. I mean I'm not experienced in 3D animation, and I'm certainly no artist, but I really don't see any flaws, and I don't really have an eye for it, but I was really looking. The only thing I think I can say is with the wolf in the first animation that I'm not a fan of the fingers, they just seem a bit too ape-like for a wolf. um... *looks harder* Maybe his cock looks a bit more plastic than flesh? *shrugs*

Pherion

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ MystBunny

Okay, So, I stopped using fur because it never looks good. Seriously, all of my stuff with fur is just bad. If you want good fur look here: https://cdnb.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/016/...

That's what good fur looks like. I CAN'T make that. Or hell, just go look at H0rs3 to see good fur as well.

It's either how I want it or none of it at all. And I have never been able to get any of what I wanted. Never. Not once was I ever happy with any of my characters. I just went with " Good I guess.".

MystBunny

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ Pherion

Well yeah there's better fur out there, but again, that doesn't make yours bad, and dude, your fur is EXACTLY why I started watching you. You can complain about it all you want, but it's good, I love it, and I don't want you to stop doing it. I'm not saying settle for it if you don't think it's good enough to your standards but.. just.. ease up on yourself. AND GIMMIE MORE FLOOF! DX

TitoTonton

3 years, 11 months ago

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I understand your decision, but you can't call your animations "crap" or something. Not improving at your hobby/ passion is depressing and if you feel like 3D art is nothing for you anymore because of that, it's understandable and probably the right decision.
I just hope you find something that will inspire you again.and/ or that you might do some 3D art whenever you feel like it. In moments like that you could actually improve much more, because the distance has helped to find fun in it again.
However, I'm sorry to hear how life has been for you for the past years. I wish you all the best for the future!

Pherion

3 years, 11 months ago

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@ TitoTonton

I may return to it at some point in the future, but right now I need to get away from it.

Zifflin

3 years, 11 months ago

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you need to overcome your perfectionism, its not doing you any favours, I'm certain you are / have been biting off more than you can chew .. if its animation you like doing, then don't model your own characters from scratch as well; find a model that works and use that, or pay someone to make one for you, and then use that .. nail down Animation and then decide if you want to branch out from there

fluent motion/movement is perhaps the one area where I think you'll see the biggest return on your time invested; if you can nail that, its a big step towards something you yourself can perhaps be happy with

will use this as an example
https://sketchfab.com/3d-models/concavenator-corvovatus...

it don't matter that the texture gets stretched and warped in places, it don't matter that there's NO 'scene' .. all that matter is that the model is animated .. I won't pretend to understand how this all works under the hood, but, I know that you'll never get any decent animation if you puppeteer the model all by yourself, there's waay too many finer details that NO ONE would be able to animate by themselves; you need plugins and features, you need algorithms and raw processing power to get you the result you want .. think of it this way; the Conductor (you) make the orchestra play the way its supposed to, that's your role, the Conductor does NOT run around and play every single instrument, at the same time, that would never work :P

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with regards to the perfectionism, you might have to rein it in, take control of it .. it's a shot from the hip, but you know these "game jams", where you get a theme, an end date, and nothing else ?.. I dunno if something similar might work for you - if not now, then maybe later

"make this thing walk, 2 days, go!"
"make this thing happy and wave its hand, 2 days, go!"

the details aren't too important, all that really matter is that the 'projects' remain little bite-sized snacks, the ultimate goal is just doing what you can do with it in that time-frame, no more .. you shouldn't have time to scrutinize your own efforts, and you shouldn't have time to "polish" things up .. simply getting from A -> B should take up alot of the available time .. even if you don't get from A -> B in time, that's not a failure, that's an opportunity to realise what the struggle was, and then go find out if there's little tricks you can make use of next time, to make that step faster/easier/both

in the future, maybe you can return to some of your older projects, and polish certain things .. same process; little bite-sized snack, short time-frame, do what you can and put it aside when the time is up

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its probably the best advice I can give, but, take it for what it is; just a guy on the internet who used to support you on patreon, whos ideas you may or may not agree with
I felt I had something of value to say, so I went ahead and said it

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