My last surviving grandparent is now dying.
I've been helping take care of him for the last few years, though in mid September he had an accident and broke his left arm. They thought they needed surgery for it, so they shipped him to another hospital for that. He thankfully didn't need surgery, but since he needs two hands and arms to walk on a walker, they put him in a rehab facility till his arm was to be healed, this way he could do his therapy and get better and return back to his place.
For six weeks he was there, and he returned back last Saturday, though I was informed of something very grim. On October 11th, they had given him another X-ray to see the progress of his healing, and in the X-ray, they found a large mass in his left lung. They did another X-ray of his chest, and also found several moderate masses in his right lung. A team of doctors at that hospital monitored his health and used their experience to make the decision to put him in Hospice. They had come to the conclusion he had, cancer.
He is too old to get the correct procedure done to see what kind of cancer it is and what stage it was in. Likewise he is too old (over 90) to have treatment done for the cancer. The moment they put him on Hospice, his time at the rehab was done and he was sent home. His arm looks okay, no one has told me if it is fully healed, but it has healed to a good degree, though he is bed ridden now due to the cancer.
It had to be fucking cancer, not the same kind that killed my sister, but still, cancer.
He was a coal miner for 37 years of his life, his lungs were in pretty good shape most of his life as he only had COPD. I did learn from his sister that his other sister died of lung cancer (however she smoked like a train), and his mother died from Pancreatic cancer around the same age (92). Seems there is a history in his own family with cancer at an advanced age, though it caught me off guard.
I was under the impression he had maybe 1-3 months to live as when they brought him here, he was in very good spirits and talking well. Was nice to see him again as he and his late wife did raise me. But as the days moved on, his health began to decline, and he developed delirium which has been getting worse. He's sleeping more, and I've been helping out, staying up night and day again (he had a surgery done earlier in the year) so I am very physically tired, but been keeping him in good spirits.
His favorite show is Sanford and Son (based on Steptoe and Son), so I've been putting it on the DVD in the room and watching it with him to keep his spirits up as well as attending to him. Though today he was struggling to swallow liquids and I had to call the hospice nurses to examine him and sadly it seems he now only has 5-10 days left to live, give or take a few they said. They put him on the imminent death list and it's just basically a waiting game and trying to make him comfortable.
I'm having difficulty coming to terms with some of the hospice rules, despite my own thanatology training, such as we are no longer supposed to feed him or give him water since his body is beginning to shut down. It just bugs me personally, if he is thirsty or hungry, that I cannot give him water or feed him. I understand why, considering that his cancer grew and spread very quickly (he had pneumonia from his COPD in April and had X-rays taken of his lungs then which showed no cancer) and how food could cause more pain, discomfort, vomiting, as well as too much water in this period could cause vomiting and the build up of lung fluid (as well as him possibly taking water into his lungs and drowning). However I'm having personal difficulty with this since I feel like that I am hurting him more by not giving him anything and denying him water or food, despite that this is the proper thing to do.
Posting this as an update. Unlike my sister, I do not believe we would require money for his final expenses (we may if there are extra hospital bills that pop up later) since his Miner Union and insurance are paying for everything so far, and his miner union have a funeral plan for him once he does pass that will pay for his funeral, coffin, and other burial expenses.
It bothers me too that he is also dying of cancer as my sister was killed by cancer. It grew so fast, and he was perfectly fine a couple of months ago in early September, until he missed his chair while sitting down on his daughters watch and broke his arm. Now he is at death's door in the room and not from anything related to his arm, but lung cancer.
The similarities are a bit spooky. My sister got in a car accident, they X-rayed her for damages and discovered her brain tumor. My grandpa broke his arm, they X-rayed him 3 weeks into his healing and found lung cancer. All we can do is just make him comfortable, though he doesn't enjoy being bedridden and he has to remain in the bed. 6 weeks at his age of not walking really atrophied his legs, plus he has a bed sore on his heal, and is still unable to really stand. But in his delirium, he believes he is waking up in the middle of the night and walking around and that he healed the wound on his heal with boiling water.
He is my last grandparent alive. We all get to the point where we no longer have grandparents or parents, but it is still a somber event. My grandma (his wife) died under mysterious circumstances in 2005 at a nursing home, however they said it was complications due to her diabetes. My other grandpa died in 2019, though his daughter basically killed him via criminal neglect and got away with it. My other grandma died in 2020 from her Alzheimer's disease. And now my last grandpa will be dying in 5-10 days, though we believe he is subconsciously holding out for his birthday next week.
Just posting this update on things.
