A little dilemma.

by

So I find myself in a little dilemma.

Recently, I quit my job to focus on getting my drivers license, which I am almost done with hopefully.
Now there were other reasons for terminating my contract with my job but it boils down to it being time for self-development and being done with the work ethic of those with a better paid position in the company.
As much as I did enjoy the work I wouldn't want to go back for said reasons and even if those reasons were somehow alleviated as I think it is a chapter I've closed.

But with this choice comes consequences, I've lost my income, which feels very limiting and I've lost physical activity, which feels counter productive to my goals of self improvement. There is also good consequences obviously, such as free time to do search for myself and for that which might be a good career path for me and confirmation that this is not a line of work I should work in for a long time.

My dilemma however, besides not knowing how to write a concise journal, is that with these consequences combined I have time but no money and confirmation of what not to do but no idea what direction to look in for the future. I want to do things and buy things but with what little I made before I couldn't really save much besides what I'll need to get my license and monthly obligations.
Currently stuck in a living location which is not ideal without a drivers license, hence the need to get one now, which is also as toxic a surrounding as it gets in the Netherlands towards LGBTQ+ people, I still feel a little at a loss what to do.

Really, I feel like I am depending on my partner with a decently well paying job to figure myself out while I should in some way be contributing to our life in a substantial way. He will tell me it's alright but is it really?

I think this was mostly to vent my thoughts a little, any advice is obviously welcomed. (Except on my writing, I know it's not pretty XD)

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Added:	1 year, 1 month ago 05 Apr 2023 10:00 CEST

7 Comments on this Journal

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alonelywolf

1 year, 1 month ago

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Hmmm... It seems that the next step along with getting your license is to look for another line of work; one that interests you and/or that pays decently so you can save up for probably a change to a better living location. I don't think there's anything wrong in relying on your partner during this transition phase of your life, but are there any other jobs that you've thought of that can help achieve your goals? Perhaps you can start part-time and work your way up? ^^

Halo

1 year, 1 month ago

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@ alonelywolf

The license is certainly a resource I invest in to get out of here in terms of work and possibilities in general, though I can't think of work that I would want to drive to as of now. I've tried quite a few menial jobs to make ends meet and sometimes even save up for a while. Occasionally I liked the work enough to do it for quite a while but there's always a circumstance forcing me out of it and it's usually the lack of career chances or a lack of mental challenge, which in turn tells me what I don't want to do but not what I do want ^^"
Getting a job which interests me is hard, as I can't figure out where my interests and my skills meet. I would love to work with animals but zoos only take higher educated people these days for some reason. And the years of experience and skill I accumulated (years ago by now) have little worth in the job market it seems. Outside zoos, there is little I could think of which isn't animal rescue (which is different in the netherlands than most other places, in that we don't have much wildlife so animal rescue is mostly pets and small animals)
Many of my jobs have been part time but I'd work more than agreed, I always invest and put myself into the company I work for but I've never been able to grow I think. Guess I pick the wrong jobs >w<

Thanks for the insight, just giving my perspective on it feels like i'm shooting your helpful words down ^^" I promise it's not meant like that.

alonelywolf

1 year, 1 month ago

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@ Halo

Ah I see - that makes a lot of sense ^^
Don’t worry, I don’t feel that way at all :)

It’s really tough for most people to find something that is interesting, in your skill set and decent paying :/ Sometimes friends of mine had to go back to school to supplement their education a bit to get them qualified for jobs that they wanted…
I suppose for now, just getting something to help make ends meet could work, as you can always be on the lookout for something more you really like…
I always wanted to work with animals too x3 didn’t get there, but maybe someday ^^
I’m sure you’ll figure something out; I have faith in you ^\\\\\^

Halo

1 year, 1 month ago

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@ alonelywolf

I've considered going back to school but I'd need to know what for first. And I've discovered with my therapist that I have some trust issues when it comes to the educational system in the netherlands (while it is supposedly one of the better ones even XD)
Once I get my license I will try find something part time maybe or full if I find the right job to get us money in till the real thing arrives.
Working with animals pays pretty poorly but it's very rewarding work, both depending on what you do obviously, but in general it's not the ticket to a wealthy life ^^"

Hiluk

1 year, 1 month ago

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I'd say the same thing Alone said, go for the driving license and if you're bf said that it is ok then it probably is... just don't take to long and then once you get it your life will be much easier and getting a better job won't be much of a burden since distance will not matter as much (unless you're working to a company at the other side of the country lol). Anyways, good luck with your plans mate!

Halo

1 year, 1 month ago

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@ Hiluk

I'll still doubt whether it truly is ok to take this time but I'll trust that it is for now. I should be getting it relatively soon so at least I won't have to feel too bad too long, as long as I find a job pretty soon after. A job on the other side of the country might be a fun opportunity though, to move away from this place and start over doing something better suited for me. We'll see I guess ^^
Thanks for the advice and wishes :3

Hiluk

1 year, 1 month ago

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@ Halo

You're welcome! About moving out... yeah it can really change our lives for better or for worse indeed!

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