Dear Journal. I cannot sleep.

by FuzzFace

For the love that is all unholy, I cannot sleep.
I have not slept in four days.
I may be allergic to the schizophrenia medicine I take, I believe it gave me bloody pustules that has ruined by bed sheets, pillows, and a lot of my clothing with red polka dots. I can’t deal with that anymore, so I stopped taking it.
My brain is used to it’s chemicals, having that intake just before I go to bed. So since I stopped taking the pills, the grey matter in my skull is like, “Fine! I forgot how to make melatonin anyway! Good luck going to sleep without your drugs!”
So yeah, by brain is being an asshole right now, because it’s not getting chemicals it's used to every night.
I’m so tired.
On the plus side, I think my skin is finally starting to clear up. Maybe I can begin wearing white without looking like I got shot with red paintballs. I’m still going to be left with a lot of scarred tissue, however.

Viewed:	19 times
Added:	9 months, 1 week ago 04 Sep 2023 03:41 CEST

6 Comments on this Journal

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TwoTails

9 months, 1 week ago

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I find it best to do the weening thing so not to introduce withdraw symptoms hard.
I mean I don't get cravings or "the shakes" like most supposedly do, but things like headaches, agitation, dizziness, insomnia or opposite, etc.
Maybe try taking a very small amount of it for a few days? I mean like 1/4~1/8th dose or such.

Strange, you don't come off as crazy though. Makes me wonder if that treatment was an over-diagnosis?
I mean, something related but not severe enough for powerful types of the meds.

An oddity for me, is knowing I have to wake up early is practically a guaranteed way to make sure I dont sleep.

And light does affect sleep, I tend to need to completely block out sun & bright lights within hours of bed time, also means not having anything bright on. I find dim warm/orange lights help to relax.
The opposite though, is during morning & day, lack of sun or correct lighting can also inhibit sleep later.
People need bright light with cyan & a bit of UV light (specifically a few milliwatts of 315nm UV-B) for the body to produce vitamin D & melatonin cycles correctly - LED lights dont supply that(is mostly in the narrow blue & skips to green through orange colors), but some old fashioned CFL lights do.

FuzzFace

9 months, 1 week ago

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@ TwoTails

Yeah, I-I don't come off as crazy, and I am thankful for that. I probably was wrongly diagnosed, it happens a lot apparently. But that is what the government thinks I am, and I'll just let them continue in thinking so. If I start acting fine when off my meds, they will likely take my benefits from me. Yeah, I'm a total leech on society.
But I like to think of it this way; I provide a service to readers that can help curb their lust, and keep it away from others that might otherwise provoke someone into encountering others with malicious intent. So I do hope I've done some good, somewhere.

Weening is probably an option. I just got tired of my skin being so...inflamed all the time. I got tired of it. There were times when I got ghastly sick for a bit of a month where I could not eat, drink, or take my pills. Stangely, my skin did better when I was on my sick bed. I just hadn't made that connection till recently, and I went with it. Maybe I'm rebelling against myself here, and I am desperate for a change. Whatever it is, is going to my new future.

I am so glad phones and devices have a 'night mode', which turns the screen an amber color. Good on the people who thought of that, It does help me sleep better.

But how've you been buddy?

TwoTails

9 months, 1 week ago

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@ FuzzFace

Well, I'm not saying you dont have problems, just saying I've noticed doctors in the US seem to either do nothing or throw the kitchen sink at things.
You probably do need meds but maybe a combo of less brutal kinds?
Can ask to try out other kinds, but mention you're a bit sensitive to dose levels, like seems best to try out at half the common doses since history of them hitting kinda hard?
I tend to think it's best that people still need to face their problems somewhat, being numb/zombiefied doesn't allow for much self-improvement, however, often people do need enough help to be stable enough to be able to address their own issues.

Might be too harsh on yourself, you dont have to be insane to have disabilities, I mean I can tell you might have drifty thoughts & some kind of anxiety issues but I don't consider that crazy :P
(I think called/related to rumination disorder?)

I'm still terrible in that I cant get help for various injuries, infections & probably digestive issues making malnutrition issues worse.
So dizzy, weak & spacey most of the time.
I do know of a medicine that helps significantly but the downsides are it's expensive & hard to get, plus tends to increase pain sensitivity right along with restoring ability, so cant use it when got pains =/

ZwolfJareAlt306

9 months, 1 week ago

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Eeeep!

Hope things smooth out for you...

FuzzFace

9 months, 1 week ago

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@ ZwolfJareAlt306

I have some jokes about that. I'm in a funny mood right now.

If my skin were any more bumpier, there would have to be road stops posted on my hairs.

If smooth is the direction I want to go, I’d have paved myself with concrete. (this one I don’t care much for. I know I can improve the joke somehow.)

I once wore a latex suit too a party and try and be smoother. I got kicked out because I smooth talked my way into stripping. (← Meh)

I once asked that my margarita to not be smooth. They gave me an empty glass, and told me to drink myself.

Maybe I’ll think of some other silly jokes if you egg me on enough. They can be a hit or a miss, a lot of times you have to just swing at it until you get that ball.

ZwolfJareAlt306

9 months, 1 week ago

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@ FuzzFace

Hehe...

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