Hi all,
Per usual, I cried my dumb little artist heart out on stream about this. I always like to be open with my emotions regarding things like this. I think there is something to be said about artists presenting themselves as people rather than machines, while maintaining a level of professionalism. There has been so many wonderful parts about this year and I want to mention them here. SO I do apologize for the very long journal that may be typed out here, I especially apologize if it is a little unclear or poorly organized.
The Good
• I saw the ocean again and ran in the sand. My dog got to see the ocean, and I don't think I have ever seen him so excited.
• I got to see friends I have had for a long time and never got to meet in person.
•I ate fresh sushi and remembered the taste of the ocean
•I Got to see Orcas in person and cried.
•I got married to the love of my life who has been coast to coast with me
• I am learning how to ask for help
•I fell in love with the big trees and the mountains
• I got to visit my first ever national park and got to see the west's natural Beauty
The Bad
•I have never worked as much as I have now and been So broke
•My anxiety has been so incredibly awful that I can hardly breathe as soon as I wake up
•I have stretched my finances as far as they can go.
•I do nothing but work, So even though I love the nature I am surrounded by I can not enjoy it in fear I won't be able to make rent
•I have accrued backlog
•I have stopped eating and can hardly get down 1000 calories in a day
•I either sleep not at all or too much and then punish myself by working more, SO has had to wake me up off the office floor because I fell asleep at my desk
•There is no opportunity for a more affordable living situation here.
•60-80 work weeks with low progress because stress+ anxiety effects art
When I moved here I was really sure that this would be a good opportunity, and don't get me wrong, Washington is definitely where my heart was. But I was naive and misunderstood a few things. No income tax comes with a caveat, if you make $12,000 in a year ($1000 a month) as a self-employed person you need a business license which has insane taxes. I will owe $3000-6000 in taxes for 2023 for state alone. I do not have that money. Not only that, but I pay $1900 a month in rent, I pay $350 a month in student loans, I pay $220 for insurance. And after that, I have $10 left for the month. My SO pays for everything else.
I can only draw so much, and I can only charge so much for my art before it becomes insane. Yes, I do plan for my taxes, every year I have handled them with no Issues. This is the first year in the 6 or so years of running this business that I will be officially in the red. I do not spend money wildly, I do not get coffee every weekend, I don't eat out all the time, I shop at Walmart, I budget tightly to afford my pets and their needs, which come first always.
When I moved here, I thought, "I'll get an apartment, and it will all even out". But it has not. It has gotten increasingly worse as time ticks by. My lease renewal period is approaching quickly in March and I finally sat my husband down and explained to him that this is it, I am failing as a business owner, as a wife, and as a person. I have grown angry and bitter with myself, and I have resisted burnout as long as I can. I get physically ill at the thought of backlog and more debt. Not only this, but his debts/ expenses have not been able to find even ground as well. We don't make bad money, we both work our asses off, both working overtime constantly, and have NEVER once asked anyone for help without repaying them in some way.
What has to Happen
So after I dropped the bomb of where I am financially, and my Husband gracefully put my pieces back together, It became clear that our time in Washington was coming to an end. We have a forked road ahead of us, and I will fill you in on that here.
We HAVE to move, I can not do another year In Washington because it will quite literally bankrupt me. There is not really a choice here, Unfortunately moving is not that great either. I have spent the last three or so days weighing options like Uhaul, Upack, PODS, national movers, etc. trying to find the best option but either way I will have to spend a large chunk of money. SO and I have to decide between two states currently, surprisingly one is across the border of Washington and one is on the entire OTHER COAST, and it will cost about the same. On the other coast we would have a place to go for some time to catch up on money for a bit, have him find a job, and look at places. At the state closer to us, we would have to do a Blind move where he may not be able to have a job when we move in, it could result in me floating our finances like I had to for 6 months after our move in October.
A benefit to moving back to the East coast would definitely be being able to see family and having a support system nearby, in Idaho we wouldn't have family or anyone to stay with, but the affordability is better than WA. I am pretty sure we are leaning towards a PA move at this point, as much as I dread the very, very long travel(in winter!!!) it would take to get back. I hate to say we failed Washington, but the truth is that I am priced out of it. Nothing will get better unless I make change now before it is too late.
So I need help. I have never asked you all for that directly, I have sold Orgy YCH's, I have asked for grace periods on commissions, But I have never once asked for help directly. But I don't know what To do here. Help could be suggestions on moving companies, it could be how to move in winter, it could be financial. I don't even know what I need directly, but I do know that the monetary aspect of this is the worst, I have no idea how I am going to foot this move...
Well I do have an Idea, But even that is sucky and awful, but I will explain it. I can take business loans which, moving office, is covered under this. I currently need to pay back $2350 ish on it for my tax, business start up, help with furniture stuff from my loan I took in April, It was a $5k loan and I have paid half of it in the 8 months, So I have always been okay with taking loans like this through PayPal since it will just skim 20% off of my commissions. I could pay back that loan and take out another to help afford the moving cost. Let me break that down for you all, I'll only do PA so that we can kinda get an estimate
Moving Break Down
20 ft Uhaul: $5,349.76
Gas: $1293,99
Hotel: $400
Paying Friend rent: $250
Total for uhaul option: $7,292
On top of this, I still have to pay three months rent. Which is a total of $5,730.... Now you see my Dilemma. I know I am not going to be able to do this Move Debt free, there are some other options like getting a shorter uhaul and selling my couch and some other stuff. That would knock off $1.5 k maybe more. I could use UPACK which is looking like a good option, especially because I could drive my car rather than a big fuck off truck, and it would be much more comforting to do that in the winter rather than the Uhaul. The upack is $5,020, but I would be so much less in gas, my car would cost (according to gas buddy) $200~ in gas, hotel would be the same, I would SAVE $1422 there which is great! There's definitely some pros and cons to each, but I do have a little time to weigh my options.
The cost equivalency for Idaho would be that we need to get an apartment right away which would result in around $3k in fees alone, the uhaul would be around $2k and That's not including gas. In PA, I do have a living arrangement sorted out, which would allow me to pick a new home rather than jump into one.
So there it is. This is going to be one hell of a task, especially considering how burnt out I feel from this year. I wanted to take a moment here to apologize as well. I am So sorry for the delays, I am so sorry for my inconsistency, I am so sorry for my failing to reply, I am sorry I have not been a better artist to you all or if you feel like you fell in the sidelines here. My number one goal in PA (or Idaho, but we are leaning PA) will be to handle backlog and work towards being kinder and gentler to myself So that I can be the best Angell for you all. But I need your help. How do I do this??
For one, I know that commissions are perma open right now, I will probably skip my weekends. I am thinking about doing 3 days a week of taking on sketches for stream specifically. I need to look into loan alternatives, I NEED TO PAY RENT. I am SO sorry for the delays this may lead to, but I promise I will do my best! I think it would be smart to only do colored sketches and possibly this new rendered sketch thing I have been messing with.
I have been advised to do a go fund me, is this a bad idea? Would I be a bad person for this?
I am so so sorry for asking for help, for failing Washington, and for putting any stress on your plate here with delays. We have done our research on both locations since we can plan early this time (our move to WA was very spur of the moment after being removed from our apartment). I am begging for those more knowledgeable than me to give me their advice.
Please message me regarding commissions, I am perma open and will try to fulfill as much as possible, You may see an Orgy comm or 3 pop up, Lots of YCHs, and tho it may take me a bit to get thru all of it please understand the urgency here. If I do one more year in WA I will be homeless or bankrupt.
Thank you for all your support.
love,
Angell
