So I'm back, sort of, still not 100%, my sleep patterns are totally fucked.
Anyway, last September I suffered a total mental breakdown, there's lots of reasons for it but I could feel it coming so I paused my Subscribestar just in case and good thing I did. I began having random anxiety attacks and generalized anxiety. I also developed tinnitus which is constant. It was torture, I never had any peace and unfortunately it was very invasive tinnitus. When people tell you to listen to your music at safe levels, listen to them, trust me. The tinnitus alone cause my anxiety to sky rocket and my health anxiety also went to a whole other level.
In order to cope I decided to start anti-depressants again, Fluoxetine in particular. Now if you know that word, you now this is going to be an adventure. Fluoxetine is a rough drug to get onto, it's slow acting and has plenty of lovely side effects including, nausea, shaking, headaches and as you get onto it, it actually increases your anxiety.
In desperation to get rid of my tinnitus I stopped taking it, big mistake. I had to go through the withdraw side effects in hopes my tinnitus would go away, it didn't and I had to restart, what followed were the four worst weeks of my life. First nausea and immense anxiety attacks, loss of appetite this got to a point where I was at A&E multiple times because I thought I had the following:
Cancer (multiple kinds)
Blood Clots.
Heart Attack.
Auto Immune stuff.
And etc etc.
If that sounds irrational that's because it is. In my state my health anxiety reached new hights. It was constant fear and paranoia. Simply put, it was a living nightmare. But I guess you got to swim through all the shit to get to the promised land.
Slowly, after week 4 each day got a little easier, the anxiety got less and less and I became more functional.
Having family to talk to who understood helped a lot. I'm mostly back to normal, though I still have tinnitus but I'm becoming acclimatized to it, I mostly don't notice it now. I was so worried the medication would not helped, but I think it may have saved my life as things were getting really bad.
I'll be coming back slowly, posting increasingly but I still got to focus on my health. I will not be restarting my Subscribestar yet as I feel I need to earn bac some trust and I'll do that by posting a few bits first. I paused it as I new in my hectic state I would not be able to live up to my responsibilities.
I got a few OC reference sheets to finish and maybe a few regular pictures.
The next three pages of Taste Of Life have now been paid for, with help from the community, just need to wait for Natsume to get round to them.
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2 months, 3 weeks ago
20 Feb 2024 10:10 CET
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