Hi! I figured I'd give everyone an update on things.
Summary/TL;DR - I turned 21 this year. I've been trying to manage unaddressed old and new traumas, figuring out what I want to do with my life (especially professionally), and greatly struggling with my mental health/realizing I need serious help with my mental disabilities. Essentially, I'm going through an autistic burnout which has been building up for years. Likewise, my trauma is unfortunately tied in some manners to NSFW content. Due to this, it may become even more rare to see me post under this particular account.
CWs:Abuse mention, suicidal ideation, mental health struggles, long post
As for the far lengthier and more detailed update: I've been going through a whole boatload of personal and mental issues. I've alluded to it on some other socmed platforms, but after finally escaping a 3+ year long abusive relationship that I had been groomed into as a teen, I've basically had to rebuild my entire life.
I still struggle to talk with new people, especially over the internet, as it triggers a good deal of anxiety at times. For this reason, and due to how much of an influence he had over my 'career' as an NSFW artist, it's been especially hard for me to take NSFW commissions, or even draw NSFW content.
Outside of that, I'm struggling with the same issues that I'm sure a lot of you are experiencing yourselves; especially if you're around my age. Even those of you older or more successful than me may remember a time like this in your 20s...
Trying to figure out what medications can help me manage my suicidality/depression/anxiety, trying to find a job before my girlfriend and I have to find somewhere else to live next spring, trying to find a job in this economy (and without having worked a "real job" since 2022), coping with knowing how poorly I handled the standard 9-hour shift back in 2022...
At that time, all I would do is work, mask for 9 consecutive hours every day, eat dinner, take pain meds for my chronic foot pain, get high to cope with the stress and pain, and pass out; all to do it again the next day.
Any free time I had was spent tending to my leech of an ex, or working on commissions for extra money so that I'd be able to afford groceries alongside rent. That period of my life was the most suicidal I had ever been; I seriously considered checking myself into a mental health facility.
All this to say, it's a little hard to think about going back to that cycle...! Things are different now, circumstances have changed, but I am still terrified to be put in that environment that made me feel so completely miserable and worthless. But, likewise, I'm struggling to find the motivation to take commissions again— let alone just to draw for myself.
But, I've rambled long enough. I'm just hoping to explain where I've been, for those of you who have been continually supporting me monetarily. I've been able to eat because of you guys. Even just by leaving likes on my stuff, it's really meant a lot knowing that you guys enjoy what I make. Maybe deep down I really am looking for sympathy, or maybe I just wanted to vent. I just know I felt bad seeing that I still do have Patrons, that people are still liking the stuff I've posted, and that I hadn't posted since November.
Even if I'm putting my NSFW account on the backburner to an extent, I just wanted everyone to know how greatly I appreciate you all. I'm happy to have brought some enjoyment to your life; even if it was just in the form of getting your rocks off.
And hey, I'm still in pretty dire need of money, so... maybe you'll come across me again sometime when I'm selling paw pics ;P
Otherwise, you can find me on any of the socials listed here. I post more often there; at least, when I'm motivated to make art.
19 through 21 was prolly the shittiest time in my life. but then i broke things off with my ex and all of the shdden i was free to consider my own feelings and i didnt feel obligated to please anyone. things started to get better when i had conviction to make my owm choices. ive been thru the ringer, especially as far as unhealthy online relationships... in any case, its good to hear youre trying to face it head on and find some solutions, i believe in you! i would totally consider taling a break from nsfw if that helps you. your health and safety should come first. <3
19 through 21 was prolly the shittiest time in my life. but then i broke things off with my ex and a
Ahh thank you so much for your kind words... I actually completely cut him off back in October last year, and although I've done a lot of improving, I've still got nearly 5 years total of grooming and self-doubt to untie in my mind, so it's taking me a while to get things sorted out. Me being me, I can get a bit disappointed that I can't just jump over the hurdles in the span of a month or two, but realistically I realize that's not really how trauma and recovery works haha. I'm trying to gain more confidence in myself and my abilities, but I'd be lying if I said it's easy to do after everything, even without him in my life. Again, thank you so much for sharing your experience, as well as being understanding, it gives me hope for myself <3
Ahh thank you so much for your kind words... I actually completely cut him off back in October last
flip yeah <3<3 !!! youre going to make it out just fine its taken me some years to get over traumas and groomers, those things will always have been something thats happened to me but i finally dont feel so chained to those events. stay mindful of your feelings
flip yeah <3<3 !!! youre going to make it out just fine its taken me some years to get over traumas
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's terrible that it happened to you but I hope you can recover well, it will certainly take time. I hope you can feel free from the relationship and are able to separate your joys from them; I believe in you, your health and safety is important to us, more than art.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It's terrible that it happened to you but I hope you
It's definitely taking some time haha, but I have a pretty good support system and am working with a therapist. I do take a lot more joy out of life without him, and he thankfully hasn't tainted too much of the things I enjoy overall. Thank you so much for your kind words, they really do mean a lot... ;-;
It's definitely taking some time haha, but I have a pretty good support system and am working with a
