Macro Training Camp
By: Blobskin
Contains: MLP, implied macro, realism
Version: 2
---
The classroom was sorta nice. The air was dry and it was a few degrees too warm, but otherwise it was a nice large classroom. The desks were occupied by various ponies of every type and build. Though they were all adults and there were no papers or pencils. The chalkboard simply read "Orientation".
"You will call me Sergeant Whip," a dark green stallion with a short greased back mane began. "You are here only because you passed the initial psychological evaluation, but that does not qualify you to cross over."
A few ponies shifted nervously.
He cleared his throat. Only because the air was dry.
"Interacting with humans takes an extremely specialized training regime that you will all be engrossed in for the next six months. In a nutshell? Everything you know about manners and social behavior will have to be unlearned."
A few ponies in the audience seemed confused by that.
Whip nodded. "Yes. Everything you know about pier-to-pier interaction is unacceptable with humans. Your natural tendencies will have to be curbed. For example, it is common when two ponies greet to nuzzle, particularly if they are close friends or family. Even strangers will stand close to one another. We ponies are a contact based species. We like to touch. We like to be near others. This is a difficult habit you will have to break before we send you through the portal. With humans you will live in an imaginary bubble of isolation. You will stand at a distance at all times, warn humans before making even the slightest twitch, and you will never feel the touch of a human.
"Except under the most extraordinary of circumstances," he added quietly.
One mare looked heartbroken.
"The reason for this rule is simple: you will become monsters as soon as you pass through the portal."
This got some looks too.
"Humans are only slightly taller than your fur. And the largest land animal native to their world is shorter than your hoof is wide. On their planet, we are walking mountains. You will be the most powerful species to ever grace their world. And with that incredible power comes a heavy responsibility and restrictions.
"For starters, pegasi, all of you will have your wings bound before you pass through the portal."
That started a small outcry which Whip gracefully endured for a moment.
"How many pegasi does it take to feed water to Cloudsdale?"
"At least 200," a male pegasus dared to reply.
"On Earth, one of you could finish that entire job with a single beat of your wings."
The room was silent.
"The force of a single flap could wipe an entire city off the map. On Earth, there are many technological wonders and many sudden noises. One spook and your instincts will cause you to flare your wings. Then hundreds, if not thousands, of humans could die. Your wings will be bound or you won't be allowed to see Earth."
A pegasus licked his lips uncomfortably.
Whip nodded. "Unicorns, your magic will be restricted via filters locked to your horns. You will still have access to magic, but anything more complicated than telekinesis will fail."
The unicorns cringed at the thought. One mare rubbed her horn.
"Though your specific tasks will differ, all of you will become well acquainted with your new strength. Even the smallest pony here will be able to knock down a building with but a nudge. This unmeasurable power must be acknowledged and carefully managed. In the same vein, you will all go through verbal training to speak quietly and submissively."
Again, confused glances passed around the room.
Whip snorted. "As macros, you will naturally rule any conversation you engage in. Merely speaking to a human will immediately establish you as master of the interaction. This one-sidedness can be dangerous. Tempting. The desire to 'bully' humans will be immense. You will all be trained and carefully evaluated on your ability to verbally submit. When a human tells you to leave them alone, you will. If a human tells you they hate you, you will accept it and shut up. You will never raise your voice, you will never argue, and you will never threaten a human. You are to behave as though you are utterly helpless against the humans.
"You will act this way because it is obvious that this is not the power dynamic. Your mere steps will create earthquakes. Your voice will vibrate the very air they breathe. Your glance will make humans quiver. You are monsters. Humans are helpless against anything you could do to them. But those of you here don't want to be living disasters. You want to be miracles of aid. To be that, you must overcome the impossible. You must tame the image and temptations that come with such power. That is what you are truly here to do.
"You are here to learn how to be friendly giants."
![The Kaiju Maker [canceled]](https://va.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/4456/4456169_Blobskin_kaiju_maker.jpg "The Kaiju Maker [canceled]")
